My favorite fancy candle scents are deep vanilla, exotic spice and, of course, old shoe.

What’s the difference between a business person and a lawyer? One likes cookies.

Why was the celebrity so upset during her stay at the exclusive hotel? There were seven goats in the bathroom and she had only requested six.

Everyone was having a really awful day at the office: Customers were angry, orders were piling up, and Susan from Accounting was heating up one of her notorious fish sandwiches in the microwave.

What’s more exciting than falling in love for the first time? An old guy cursing at a pigeon.

A horrible boss is making his employees work more hours without paying them. That’s when the druids get involved, but they don’t really help much because of their limited human resources experience. They do, however, build an amazing stone monument in the middle of the office.

What did the walrus say to the penguin? I don’t appreciate your comments about my weight. Editor’s Note: Moments later the walrus shifted slightly and split his pants.

Hospital administrators started having doubts about their chief surgeon when it was discovered after an operation that he had left a sweatshirt in a patient’s body. In the surgeon’s defense, his lawyer indicated it was quite warm in the operating room that day and could they please have the garment back.

Why was the mean girl so unhappy? She was unhappy inside. Also, she got a haircut that made her look like her uncle.

If at first you don’t succeed… Call a rhinoceros. If you still don’t succeed, politely ask the rhinoceros for a refund.

Why was the sorority girl so sad? She was deeply moved by the emotion of Bernini’s Apollo and Daphne but mostly because Kyle hadn’t texted her in over ten minutes.

A huge alien spacecraft landed in London. An alien got out, looked around, and started arguing with one of those double-decker buses.

Sean felt great about his math test until he realized he only had his history cheat sheet. Unfazed, he initiated plan B and pretended to have a seizure while falling to the ground and was promptly told to sit down and finish his test.

What’s the difference between a doctor and a chair? The chair is wearing a wig.

Ralph was having trouble clearing all the snow off his driveway but that all changed when he got his grandmother to do it.