An ancient legend says that, on a moonlit night on a cliff overlooking the ocean, a lone wolf howled at the moon to conjure the spirits of his ancestors. He howled so plaintively and for so long that he needed a throat lozenge.

The flashy magician appeared on stage through a cloud of smoke and dazzled everyone by having an argument with his mother who was seated in the front row.

Three guys walk into a bar. The first guy says, “I’ve got a powerful thirst, give me a beer.” The second guy says, “I’ve got a powerful thirst, give me a whiskey.” The third guy says, “I’ve got a lazy eye.”

Do you get jealous when your boyfriend or girlfriend talks with someone good looking? Don’t feel too bad, the same thing happens to unicorns.

If you want to be a famous rock star you need to form a band, write great songs, perform live for people and, of course, take as many trumpet lessons as possible.

My wife sent me to the store to buy some milk and I came back with a medieval manuscript.

Why was the teenager so upset? He had just discovered the secret to time travel and lost his notes on how to do it. Also, his mom was getting on his case about picking up his room.

Why was the woman so upset after her visit to the spa? Too many crows.

Why was the business executive so angry? There was a story on the news about him not paying his employees very well, but mostly because he had run out of coffee.

A beautiful woman and handsome man are having a great time riding horses on the beach on a gorgeous summer evening. They ride up to a large group of people, dismount, and announce that they’re conquistadores, here to claim these lands on behalf of the crown.

Everyone in the office thought it would be a good idea to have someone in HR who could help resolve conflicts, until they found out it would be Defensive Dave.

If I had to choose, I’d say my favorite dinosaurs are Tyrannosaurus, Stegosaurus and, of course, Thesaurus.

Knock knock. Who’s there? Me. Me who? Me the horse. Why yes, please do come in. I can’t fit through the door. How did you get up the stairs? I’m a magic horse. I love magic.

What is more fun than a business convention? Moss. Also acceptable, gangrene.