Bob loved taking long winter walks which were frequently interrupted by having to call in a rescue team when he had, once again, frozen onto some object.

A group of guys was watching a sports event, drinking beer, shouting, belching, and giving each other high fives. This and other manly stories in my upcoming book: Wistful Memories of Tender Love.

Karen loved chocolate more than anything in the world… but not more than chocolate covered chocolate. Am I right ladies? (Eats large chocolate bar while laughing maniacally.)

At sunrise on the summer solstice in an ancient temple, an elderly wise man spoke to a group of his followers about the mysteries of the world and the meaning of life. Everyone was listening spellbound until he started saying all kinds of racist stuff.

My grandmother is so sweet. Just the other day, I asked her to tell me a story about when she was growing up and she threw her cane at me.

The yoga class was going well until the instructor decided to start practicing her trumpet.

What’s cuter than a baby getting food all over itself? Some weird guy poking his eye with a rusty screwdriver.

The brave wizard waved his staff to ward off the evil creatures but his actions had the unfortunate effect of giving him a bad perm as well.

Why was Bob so upset at the beach? His bikini didn’t fit.

What is the most advanced smartphone in the world? Definitely not the one my uncle made out of an old radio, after he had a few too many beers, and proudly named “Superphone,” just before he fell into a plant.

Little known facts about cabbage: If you don’t have time to wash your hair, put a cabbage on your head, it looks exactly like a not-so-good wig.

At the zoo, some lady was commenting on how the penguins look like they are wearing tuxedos. One of the penguins finally had it with the whole tuxedo thing, walked up to the woman, took off his tuxedo, and revealed that he was but a lowly footman.

Everyone was more than a little embarrassed when the Tyrannosaurus showed up at the party wearing jeans that were way too tight and, as we all know, it’s a waste of time to talk to a Tyrannosaurus about its fashion choices.

I saw this guy talking to a goat. I believe it was the same goat who insulted me the other day, so he’s in for some tough times.

Everyone was enjoying the yoga class until the instructor introduced a new move called downward facing sad clown.