Don’t ever try to outsmart a horse with a monocle. The monocle gives it away, that’s a pretty smart horse.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Sam. Sam who? Samurai warrior. Get off my lawn please.
Best superhero name ever: Captain Omelet. His superpower: To be delicious. His other superpower: To be some kind of unspecified captain.
Why did the cow run away from the farm? Couldn’t pay the rent.
I fed a cute squirrel a peanut at the park and later found out that it had written a bad word on my car with a permanent magic marker. You know what that means; teach the squirrel how to use dry-erase markers.