Everyone was having a great time at the dance club until DJ Lawrence Welk started playing his favorites.

What’s worse than a bad driver? A feudal lord who walks around asking serfs whether they like his stockings.

Nobody was quite sure why Bob showed up to the job interview at the law firm wearing a magician’s outfit. Things became clearer when he pulled a rabbit out of a hat and started kissing it passionately.

Great moments in history: The extraordinary day when Thomas Jefferson was writing the Declaration of Independence and got a mild cramp in his left leg from sitting too long.

Most popular girl’s name in recent years: Monsieur de La Rochefocauld.

Why did the family not go camping? Someone got the dad angry and he didn’t have very good coping skills so he cancelled the trip.

Why did the old woman kick the old guy out of her house? He didn’t live there.

Excellent secret agent name: Rockefeller… Oysters Rockefeller.

There are three things that are vital to living a happy life: Meaningful activities, positive relationships, and, of course, plenty of beets.

Be careful about asking a goose to join your rock band. They always insist on singing, playing guitar or both. Not to mention they want to write all the songs when everyone knows they’re best suited to play the trombone but won’t admit it. Then there’s all the honking.

Like many a carnivorous dinosaur, the Tyrannosaurus would take over the grill at backyard barbecues even though he didn’t know what he was doing.

At the city council meeting, the dragon stepped up to the podium and reassured the townspeople that he meant them no harm by saying, “Me here only to eat, I mean, meet people,” which pretty much made nobody comfortable.

What’s more exciting than falling in love for the first time? An old guy cursing at a pigeon.

I was on a plane and I noticed a weird smell but couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. I was kind of embarrassed to find out it was coming from my hyena. I keep telling him to shower more often but, as we all know, hyenas are very stubborn and don’t listen too well, even when you’re trying to give them helpful advice. They also aren’t that good at babysitting because they’d rather watch reality TV shows and talk to their friends than take care of your kid. There’s also that thing about laughing all the time.

The Prime Minister of the Intergalactic Federation had just found out that the dreaded space squids were planning to conquer his battle-weary planet. He turned to his trusted advisors and said gravely, “I would like everyone to know that I seem to have misplaced my pants so, if you happen to see them, please kindly send them my way.”