Helpful dating tip: Make sure you tell your mom to stay in her room when you’re showing your date your collectible figurines and to stop trying to pretend that she knows more about collectible figurines than you do because, as we all know, you even wrote a book (OK, a diary entry) about it and the lady at the figurine store told you that you have a good eye for these things but to please stop handling the merchandise after you just ate a greasy pizza.
